Where is Kristina??? ........ Really I am trying to find out myself

 I feel like the Prodigal Son  Wasting the gift of knowleage that Dr shaffer has given me. And Now with starting to  come to my senses  returning  and begging  for  Dr. Shaffers mercy. I dont blame him. Also I could see the day that he could turn and and say Kris.. I dont know what more I can do for you... He Already told me this last week what more can I say to get you to understand. I dont want to die young from a heart attack  Well I am Guilty.....

I am  a stress eater. I cant blame anyone anymore but myself. You have to point the finger in the right direction. And I have to turn in around to myself. I should be done. With this program. I should be skinny Liven like a rock star... But If I can't walk the walk. I shouldnt talk the talk. Yes I write nothing but the trurth. But I need to do more, Walk more,  MOVE  more.

I have hit rock bottom. My mother has colon cancer.  We are starting Chemo soon. And I have just lost it. I have layed in bed and cried. I have ate things I know I shouldn't  have,  My back hurts. I have gained. I am going to the Dr to have my meds uped. I am on medication for my deperssion. And I need help.. I need alot of help. I am lost. I am sorry I have been distant from my writting but I guess it is that I know . I know this is suposed to be uplifting. And if I can't uplift myself. How and can I write and ask others to be upliftied?? I am sorry if you think or stop reading what I write,. I am honest. And it is time that I am bluntly honest with myself. I want this... I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. So why do I mess it up so bad??  

I want better..... I know this diet inside and out. And I smack myself mentaliy and I am like stuipd stupid stupid. I know better. Why cant I turn it around??

Pray for me. Please I feel so lost. Maybe I have turned everywhere but where I need to My God.. And my listeners.. Please... Is there help for me?

Posted: Jul 05 2009, 08:55 AM by Kristina | with 6 comment(s)

Comments

KeiKei said:

Kristina,

The most unforgettable thing that Dr. Shaffer said to me during our initial meeting was not that I'd lose 10-15 pounds/month.  It was his statement that they would pray for me every day.  I'm sure that rather than criticising you for turning to food for comfort, he and his staff are praying that you and your mother will find comfort from where it works without kicking you in the posterior end after giving you your momentary solace.  Let it work.

# July 5, 2009 12:06 PM

Kristina said:

Thank you!

# July 6, 2009 6:48 AM

neighbor13 said:

Hi Kristina,

I am sorry to hear of your news. Growing up and even in early adulthood I was a fit person.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer and lost a very short battle.  After this I was out of control.  I have become overweight due to eating because i thought it made the hurt go away.  It has taken me 6 years to figure out that it doesn't work.  I am now trying to lose the weight from the emotional eating.  It's okay to be sad but take care of yourself too!  I will be thinking about you and your family.

# July 7, 2009 10:15 AM

Kimmie said:

Kris-you know what YOU ARE HUMAN! NOW take a DEEP breath, relax, it is OK:) I PROMISE:),your mom maybe sick-my mom had esphogus cancer and i took care of her for 2yrs-she's been in remission 10yrs-your mom would want you to keep living and taking care of yourself-b/c she needs you as much as you need her-she's trying to get healthy as so as you want to be-do it together:)I will pray for your mom and for you-if you need anything even just to talk i give dr s to let ya have my # and call me:)even if it is just a shoulder ya need-kimmie hall lpn

# July 9, 2009 6:41 AM

Tonia said:

You need to stand tall against the devil and let him know you refuse to accept your mothers condition and yours.  Let him know that you answer to a higher power and you know your GOD will create the miracle to heal your mother.  Don't let the devil take over your life.  In most cases people tend to accept defeat and sit in a corner and cry.  You get yourself together and get in church and read the word as much as you can.  Get all you can get.  Thank Jesus for the blood of Jesus.  You will see that he will take care of you!!!!

# August 3, 2009 2:13 PM

Kimmie said:

Hey i was just wanting to see how yar mom is doing and better yet how are YOU doing?-my thoughts and prayers are w/ya.hang in there:)

# August 13, 2009 6:09 AM